3 Steps on How to Make Kids Listen to You in a Class

Teaching kids can be really fulfilling especially when they approach you and tell you thank you. Unfortunately after 5 years of teaching I have never experienced this but I heard that it was great. Making kids or people in your class listen to you intently is also a great feeling. This is really difficult because being boring while teaching is like a sheep being white. (this metaphor means that black sheep like being an interesting teacher comes rarely) Here are some tips and things that I do to make kids/students listen to me:

1. Insult one of them.

This method seems cruel but it is catchy and effective. Target the noisiest student from the flock. It is more likely that he/she won't be hurt that much. The class will listen to you because they A. hate this guy/girl B. is so bored that they want to hear something different.

Example:

Kid: "BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA"

You: "Oi little boy/girl palengkera/palengkero ka ba? (Hey little boy/little girl are you a wet market vendor?)

Class: "haha palengkera" (haha wet market vendor)

*in the Philippines a wet market vendor is just 2 ranks higher than a garbage man ( from no credible source)

Note: When insulting the kid avoid:

a. Physical Attributes- This is why fat/ugly kids commits suicide.

b. Intellect - don't call kids moron or idiots. This is where angry parents literally attack you.

c. family - never ever insult their parents and family members. Yo mama joke is funny between friends but frowned upon by educators.

2. Insult the class

A group insulted means that they have 1 goal in common. And having 1 common goal between people is better that bored people. This works every time. An angry class or laughing at the scenic jokes of the teacher makes them shut up and listen to you most of the time.

Example:

You: "very good. Now we know that you guys can hear. Next step is if you are capable of learning."

This is tricky because there is a small variety of topics you can insult them without being an ass.

a. Their intelligence as a group. They won't feel hurt because they think that you are talking about the guy/ girl next to them.

b. Vague and weird insults. Telling them that they work like a car running on vegetable oil makes them think about this. They won't get what you are talking about and they will just listen and maybe you will say something connected to it.

3.Using the Iron Fist

This is my favorite method. Why? Because I can be an ass and I wouldn't be called an ass but a disciplinarian. How do you do this? Simple. Use a loud and angry voice. Put your foot down. Don't let the kid bully you. Bully the kid so silence.

Example:

Kid: "Bla bla bla bla bla"

You:" ok get out."

Kid: " i will be quiet."

You: "NO! get out now!"

Kid: ------*silence*-----

You: " NOW! everyone will wait until you get out."

Yea kinda strict but it works every time. Especially on asshole kids. But like every tip there is a gray area:

a. never ever curse at the student. You will look like a jerk. I had a teacher once who called someone a JABRONI. Who calls a person a jabroni? If you're the Rock you can do that but a teacher? JERK!

b. never slap/push or pull a kid. Even tempting that it might be. Corporal punishment is over. You can't use a stick or your hand to discipline these kids. Besides they might have a big dad or brother who can beat you up.

Now go and teach kids/students!

Batman Monday

Yes! I have decided to move batman day to any day that I wish. So here it is ...

gullibility strikes again

2 Movie Reviews

I have 30 mins before i leave and go to a thing. I watched these movies late at night this week. I am vague on the details but I know what was going on. So here it goes.

1. I hope they serve beer in hell.

not a good poster either

This movie is like a slow roller coaster ride with only 1 loop. Every scene you expect something awesome but you end up getting disappointed because of the slow movement of the story. There are around 4 to 5 scenes that they should have done better. Even if it is "based on a true story", the director should have tweaked some scenes to make it damn funny.

hey wake up. My last scene was kinda funny.

On the upside there were 2 scenes that were noteworthy. 1. The jail scene. 2. The poop scene. They are so gross that it's funny. It is like the humor in Planet Terror but less eating human more of poop and vomit.

Overall I would give this movie 2 pen clicks and a check. (I have no idea what that rating is. I am just so sleepy.)

2. Couples retreat

3 unfunny couples. oh wait!

Several months ago I made a poster review about this movie (LINK or lack thereof). What I didn't realize was that there was a 4th couple. This picture that I have posted includes them. It's a little bit racist that the black couple is at the back and is embedded with the background.

My lack of sleep is not making my creative juices make transition sentence into the next sentence that I will be writing from the 1st paragraph. This movie is an all star cast. Unfortunately, the directing and the script of this movie is kinda shallow and dull. I was expecting more of a R rated jokes from Vince Vaughn and Jason Bateman.

The good side about this movie is Kristen Bell in a bikini. I know that she already wore a bikini and a sex scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. but these were the only parts that made me watch the movie and John Reno. (super run on sentence) John Reno was funny in this movie. The guru something something. From an uptight French dude he became an enlightened master in this movie.

This scene happens 2 or 3 more times in the movie.

I would rate this movie 2 1/2 donkey statues because of the bikinis.

Got and extrat $499?

If you do you're in luck. The Apple Ipad (this is how people in the Philippines pronounces Ipod) 16gb is exactly $499! $599 for 32gb and $699 for 64gb! Add $130 and you get the 3g! Plus for another $99 it turns into a hover board!

The Ipad is bigger than all of my text combined.

The price of this item doesn't bother me as much as its' features. This tablet features are almost similar to most multi-media devices. Archos, creative and the like or iTouch. They just made the outer casing like the iphone and poof; It is now the IPAD!

Ipad is strike 2 for Apple for ugly names. The first one is iTouch or Ipod Touch. Really? No one thought that was kinda sexual or weird?? And now Ipad. I can imagine now at greenhills people asking for the Ipad and the vendor ends up showing them an Ipod.

- Oh! Kala ko ba may Ipad kayo? - Sir, Ipad nga ito

I can't say that I am an expert of Apple products and let alone techie items but this item is ridiculous. It is just a bigger itouch with an disproportionate price tag. It is a much bulkier item period. Don't get me wrong. If I am given an Ipad I would use and enjoy it and try to figure out where the hover board button is.

Monday Batman

I miss posting these:

Kicking a bear and a giant Christmas tree! Only complex mind of Batman can find its purpose!

5 worse things that your maid can do to you

All or most of us here in the Philippines have one maid in the house. I am just stating the possibility. I am not saying all Indays are like this. so here are the top 5 worse things that you maid can do to you:

1. Dis arrange your items -

I know my room isn't a candidate for the dewey decimal system of rooms but i know where i place my stuff. I really really hate it when the maid moves some stuff and I will not see that item again for another 6 months.

The most frustrating thing about this is you know the thing is there until the day you need it. You search and search and search. Just to find out that the maid has thrown it away.... O_o

2. Put some weird stuff in your food/drink

Maids usually prepare your food and sometimes drinks. I don't know anything about cooking with a pan. If i cooked my own food for a month i would most likely die of radioactive poisoning from the microwave.

90% of the food that i eat are prepared and made by the maid. This is scary because the whole time i won't know what she puts in it. She might be an evil doctor putting experimental drugs in my food. Checking if the white guy will turn black after ingesting black ink for a month. It is like putting my hand in an unknown box but instead of my hand it's my mouth. But putting my mouth in a dirty box is still better than being mutated by a microwave.

3. See you naked

The safest place to get naked is your room and/or bathroom. It is your comfort zone of nudity. You even walk around naked because of the security you feel. Until one day you forget to lock your door. Your maid gets ready to clean your room and accidentally opens your door and "ay nako sir!" and you freaking scramble for cover!

If the maid is kinda new its okay. You know she won't last long because of the trauma that you have caused her. If this happens to your super long time maid this will be a big problem. Every time you look at her you will remember her shocked faced seeing you naked body. You will have to live this out until she a.) dies b.) you leave your parents house you lazy bum.

4. Steal from you

One of the worst feelings in life is when someone steals from you. that is why Bernie Madoff is rotting in Jail. And that is why Erap went to jail. Unfortunately due to the Filipino people's short term memory, we continue our lives and let him run for the presidency AGAIN.

The maid knows your house. She knows where you put all of your items and she has the power to take it anytime she wants. If your maid is a freaking klepto you're dead. All of your "hard earned" stuff will be gone! slowly it will be milked away.

The sad thing about this is that you won't know that it is gone until it is gone. Because of the complex way that she arranges your items you will get disarrayed and find out that something is missing when it is already gone. Good thing for us we are in the Philippines and we won't feel that bad after a week.

5. Kill you

You might think it isn't possible but it is! LINK and LINK. Psychos are everywhere. Even in your own home! Just when you're sleeping comfortably at night the maid creeps in. With a freaking knife!

There are some ways to prevent this by:

a. Locking your door. Or if she is a super psycho like Jack N. in The Shining. "here's INDAY!"

b. putting a nanny cam in your house. Atleast there is video evidence on how you were killed. Maybe it can be a youtube sensation. O_O

* for the lazily gifted in reading i will post the pictures this week.

GIF sunday!

NOTE: This will take awhile to load!!!

4 months later

4 months... 120 days since my last post. I can't say that I was busy with life that is why I didn't made any new post because that would be a total lie. I di'dnt post anything because I am lazy! I have become a blog bum for 4 months. No typing or writing for the past 4 months. Not even a single book finished. I was in literary hell, (I know that sounds bad but I haven't been typing for 4 months!)

Let me list the top 4 things that I was doing during the hiatus:

1. Playing NBA 2k10

Something about this game makes me wanna play it every other night. I just can't point my finger on what it is. Maybe it is the feeling of winning even if I am just beating repetitive computer moves or maybe it is my fantasy to run all over the court and jumping like them.... (super run-on sentence). What ever it is I am playing again tonight.

2. Real Basketball


Believe it or not I joined a league 4 months ago. We were like playing basketball 4 times a week max. I was kinda addicted because at one point my shoes went missing. I had to use my old OLD run down shoes. It looked so old that it made the Dolphy look like a new born baby. I can't find it now. I think I lost that pair too.

3. December laziness

December is the time of the year where everyone buys and eats. I failed in doing what an Entrepreneur should be doing selling stuff and food. There is no one to blame why I got so lazy. I just went about and did nothing last December. No item, no blog, no nothing. I blame myself and my big fat tummy!

4. TV show season



There are a fart load of tv shows that I watch. From Greys Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Eastwick, Glee to the more cooler shows like the Office, Castle and House. When November came I had a lot of shows to watch. AND I learned about 6 new shows and 2 shows that have previous seasons. So at night guess what I did. O_O