3 Steps on How to Make Kids Listen to You in a Class

Teaching kids can be really fulfilling especially when they approach you and tell you thank you. Unfortunately after 5 years of teaching I have never experienced this but I heard that it was great. Making kids or people in your class listen to you intently is also a great feeling. This is really difficult because being boring while teaching is like a sheep being white. (this metaphor means that black sheep like being an interesting teacher comes rarely) Here are some tips and things that I do to make kids/students listen to me:

1. Insult one of them.

This method seems cruel but it is catchy and effective. Target the noisiest student from the flock. It is more likely that he/she won't be hurt that much. The class will listen to you because they A. hate this guy/girl B. is so bored that they want to hear something different.

Example:

Kid: "BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA"

You: "Oi little boy/girl palengkera/palengkero ka ba? (Hey little boy/little girl are you a wet market vendor?)

Class: "haha palengkera" (haha wet market vendor)

*in the Philippines a wet market vendor is just 2 ranks higher than a garbage man ( from no credible source)

Note: When insulting the kid avoid:

a. Physical Attributes- This is why fat/ugly kids commits suicide.

b. Intellect - don't call kids moron or idiots. This is where angry parents literally attack you.

c. family - never ever insult their parents and family members. Yo mama joke is funny between friends but frowned upon by educators.

2. Insult the class

A group insulted means that they have 1 goal in common. And having 1 common goal between people is better that bored people. This works every time. An angry class or laughing at the scenic jokes of the teacher makes them shut up and listen to you most of the time.

Example:

You: "very good. Now we know that you guys can hear. Next step is if you are capable of learning."

This is tricky because there is a small variety of topics you can insult them without being an ass.

a. Their intelligence as a group. They won't feel hurt because they think that you are talking about the guy/ girl next to them.

b. Vague and weird insults. Telling them that they work like a car running on vegetable oil makes them think about this. They won't get what you are talking about and they will just listen and maybe you will say something connected to it.

3.Using the Iron Fist

This is my favorite method. Why? Because I can be an ass and I wouldn't be called an ass but a disciplinarian. How do you do this? Simple. Use a loud and angry voice. Put your foot down. Don't let the kid bully you. Bully the kid so silence.

Example:

Kid: "Bla bla bla bla bla"

You:" ok get out."

Kid: " i will be quiet."

You: "NO! get out now!"

Kid: ------*silence*-----

You: " NOW! everyone will wait until you get out."

Yea kinda strict but it works every time. Especially on asshole kids. But like every tip there is a gray area:

a. never ever curse at the student. You will look like a jerk. I had a teacher once who called someone a JABRONI. Who calls a person a jabroni? If you're the Rock you can do that but a teacher? JERK!

b. never slap/push or pull a kid. Even tempting that it might be. Corporal punishment is over. You can't use a stick or your hand to discipline these kids. Besides they might have a big dad or brother who can beat you up.

Now go and teach kids/students!